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it all goes back to the beginning | domino

it all goes back to the beginning

“I could never say the things in sentences, the way I can write them down.”

Blue skirt, blue shirt, when I met Patricia Fašalek in the city center of Ljubljana. Before we started working on the domino-project, we spend some time talking about what we do and what we like.

Patricia studies journalism and writes for Readers Digest, besides managing life and struggling with two other side-jobs.
Never ever, she wants to work on TV. Talking in front of a crowd makes her feel uncomfortable. “I could never say the things in sentences, the way I can write them down.”
Writing things down is her way to express herself.
The ideas come to her spontaneously. In contrast to other writers that she knows, she doesn’t plan every detail of her stories up front. Her characters are constructed with care and the basic idea is set up, but the text is developing during the writing process. Methods like recording the own voice, making sketches, collecting tons of ideas over time, don’t work that well for Patricia.

She speaks fluently English and studied in Ireland. For there she sees no perspectives in her field in Slovenia and because of her new growing passion for traveling, she dreams of leaving the country.

As far as I can tell, her stories circle around the thoughts of people, how they feel, how they experience moments. One of the writers she adores the most is Oscar Wilde. She said she fell in love with his way to build sentences, even if they wouldn’t make sense, they’d still be beautiful.

“Can I go completely out of the box?”

Patricia_Impressionen

So, now it was time to react on the last domino-result from Vienna. Philipp Render had made a quite fantastic ink drawing inspired by the genesis: “Ursuppe”.
I visited Patricia in her home close to the riverside. A room, a bed, a bunch of books. Kurt Cobaine and Audrey Hepburn having a tête·à·tête on pink walls.

For she isn’t into writing science fiction, she asked if she could go “completely out of the box” and picked an aspect of Philipps thought. Things to appear for the very first time, ideas to come alive and cross ones mind no longer as originals. Leading to the question what if a human being wouldn’t have come to exist at all.Patricia_Prozess

Her hyperactive dog, that rather looks like a cotton ball than a living creature, set itself to rest when Patricia started her writing. There she sat for about one hour without a break. She stopped when she knew it was done.

It all goes back to the beginning

I am sitting on the train, trying to capture with my eyes every detail of the moving picture I can see through the window. In a way, it is nostalgic; however the city I am leaving was part of my life for what one could say a very brief moment. I am not really sure what to do with myself. So I just sit still. I sit still while my mind is slowly going blank. And then I remember.

I remember why I came here in the first place and why am I leaving now. It is insane how quickly time passes. I know, I did not just discover warm water here. Time is what we talk about a lot. Because people talk. They talk about their memories and they talk about the things they did during the day or what has happened to them. There is really nothing original we have to say. It is funny to think that one day, everything was original. There were words that have never been said before and there were things nobody has done before. They still are, of course, things we haven´t done yet, and from time to time we will come up with a new word and new meaning, but putting it all together, it was only in the beginning of our time that originality took place in it´s full image. For how long can new ideas still appear in our brain without becoming completely insane and out of place?

I am thirsty. I open my suitcase in hope to find some juice there, but indeed I have forgotten about that. It´s the essential things I forget about. I open the doors of my compartment. I see some people are looking at me with strange looks, probably because I am not really appropriately dressed for traveling. My long red dress puts me in the same category with women somewhere in 60´s, and my black shoes only contribute to the image. However, I came to the conclusion that some things are just not better now, even if we unconsciously think they are. I was never as comfortable in jeans as I am in long wide skirts; they give you freedom and comfort if you want to lie down. They are not too tight and you never have to worry about stitches that itch or waistline which never really suits you perfectly. I find an employee on the train and I buy some water. On my way back I look at people´s shoes. A friend once told me that you can tell a lot about the person by only looking at their shoes.

I find my way back to my sit. I am all alone and I could not be happier. I was never good with small talk, not with random people who want to talk about the weather. But right now I would like to have anything that could take my mind of that circle of thoughts about the beginning of time and what we are really made of, or who made us, which I am almost completely certain every human being is asking himself at least once. I consciously don´s want to think about that, in fact I don´t want to think about anything that doesn´t have a clear answer. I need something else to think about. What can I think about? I can think about Louis. Where is he now? My dear friend, and yet he is nothing more than the closest acquaintance. No, I don´t want to think about him either, I might start missing him. In a few hours I will be in Lisbon. I can think of Lisbon. What will be the first think I am going to do there? I need to find a room. Louis had such a nice room, ahh I could stay there forever. Little balcony, big windows … So, my room in Lisbon. I wonder what would happen, where would I be if I never met him. What if he never existed? How many lives would have been different if only one person was never born. Somebody´s husband, a friend´s best friend, a director who would hire somebody else for the job that this person got. The position would be filled by somebody else and so on it would go. I am not talking about famous people, no, about completely and the most ordinary people. Imagine. Imagine your friend was never brought to this world. He or she wouldn´t know, but how many people´s life would be different even for just one day?

Text by Patricia Fašalek